If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're feeling frustrated, stuck, and maybe a little powerless. You're trying to do the right thing: you're sorting out your finances properly, drawing a line under things, and moving forward with your life. But your ex? They're not playing ball.
I hear this all the time. And I want you to know two things: you're not alone, and you're not as stuck as you feel.
Here's what you need to know, and what you can actually do about it.
First, why does this even matter?
Let me be really clear about something that surprises a lot of people.
Your Final Order (the document that legally ends your marriage) does absolutely nothing to sort out your finances. Your house, your pension, your savings - none of these are automatically dealt with when you get divorced. And without a legally binding financial order in place, your ex could make financial claims against you years down the line. Even decades later.
I don't mean to scare you in this - it's just a fact. If the other side decides to come after your assets later on, whether they are successful or not, you are going to have to deal with it at personal cost to you, whether that's emotional or financial cost, and the worst case scenario means you could potentially end up losing what you've worked hard for so many years after the marriage has ended. So getting your finances properly resolved isn't just a nice-to-have, it's essential protection for your future.
So, if your ex is dragging their heels, you can't just shrug and move on. You need to deal with it. and in this blog, I show you how.
Step 1: Try to engage (but do it in writing)
Before deciding that your ex is being difficult, make sure you've given them a genuine opportunity to engage. Ideally this sould be in writing (we love a paper trail!). Email is fine, or even whatsapp if that's how you usually communicate. Keep it calm, factual, and solution-focused. Something like: "I'd like us to sort out our financial arrangements. Can we agree to exchange financial information by [date]?"
Step 2: Consider mediation
Before you can apply to court for a financial order, you're generally required to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). This is a short session where a trained mediator explains how mediation works and whether it might be suitable for your situation.
Mediation isn't right for everyone (if there's been domestic abuse, for example, exemptions apply). But where it is appropriate, it can be a genuinely brilliant way to reach agreement without the stress, delay, and eye-watering cost of court proceedings.
The important thing to know: if your ex refuses to engage in mediation without good reason, this will be noted and a judge can take a dim view of it, including ordering them to pay costs.
(Note - there is also now an ongoing duty to consider mediation and other forms of non-court dispute resolutions - we will cover this in another blog in due course).
Step 3: Apply to court
If mediation isn't possible or your ex still refuses to engage, you can make a formal application to the court for a financial remedy order. This is done using a document called Form A. You can do this yourself online, and there will be a fee to pay), at the time of writing in March 2026 the fee is £313 but you can check the current rates here: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/fees-in-the-civil-and-family-courts-main-fees-ex50/family-court-fees-ex50)
Once you've applied, the court takes over. Up until that point there is o obligation on your ex to engage with you, but from when the Form A is issued your ex can no long ignore the process as everything will now run to the court's timetable (which will have been sent to you after your For A has been issued).
If they still fail to engage or disclose their finances honestly? Judges can:
• Draw adverse inferences (essentially, assume they're hiding something and factor that into their decision)
• Make orders in their absence
• Issue cost penalties against them
• In serious cases of deliberate concealment, find them in contempt of court
The system is designed to protect you, even when your ex is being difficult.
Step 4: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good
I've seen people spend more time, money, and emotional energy fighting for every last penny than the whole thing was worth. Court proceedings for contested financial cases can cost anywhere from £20,000 to £60,000 or more - and that's each, not in total! Scary, right? And where is that money coming from? The family pot, money that should be used for meeting the family's ongoing needs.
If there's any room for agreement even partial agreement explore it. Sometimes a difficult ex just needs the right framing, the right moment, or the right guidance to come to the table. And if they don't, the court will deal with it.
Here's the thing. Understanding this process, knowing your options, knowing your rights, knowing when to push and when to pause - this all makes an enormous difference. Not just to the outcome, but to your stress levels throughout.
And that's exactly why I created Divorce Without Lawyers.
Inside DWL, I guide members through every stage of the divorce process, including situations just like this one. You get access to my many years of family law expertise, a supportive community of people who genuinely understand what you're going through, and the confidence to make informed decisions without handing over thousands of pounds in legal fees.
You deserve to feel informed and in control. And you can be.
👉 Join the DWL membership here and let's get you moving forward.
Elaine Foster is a Chartered Legal Executive with almost 30 years of experience in family law, and the founder of Divorce Without Lawyers, a private membership group helping people navigate divorce with confidence, without the legal bills.
Share this post: